I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I will be naked everywhere
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
