So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Randomize
