I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
