our cab driver is having phone sex.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You are the jesus of drinking
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
