nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
