its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
