My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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