I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
