She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I will pee on everything he values.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
