Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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