So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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