I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This toilet bowl is my home.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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