I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
