just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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