He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize