You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
