i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
