12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
