So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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