you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
