thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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