you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
