The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
