Whod you bang
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
