No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
