Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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