There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?