shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
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Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given