he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy