Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave