The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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