i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
