You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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