Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
