An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize