Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You need a sexual gate keeper
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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