Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
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Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
there is glitter all over my balls
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