At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
