I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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