burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
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