R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We left the knife in your bed.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
