So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
