oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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