I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
