it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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