I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
