I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
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I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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