He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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