I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
