The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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