This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
did i just pee glitter
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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