He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
