had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
