i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
