My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
