The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
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As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
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It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize