I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
