i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
