I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
