Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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