Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
