The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
