His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
